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Everything is working against sex

So you don't want to have sex. That's ok. Actually, everything inside you and around you is working against your desire for sex. But soon your sex drive will return. Just be patient and keep the intimacy between you alive.

Even though the only "rule" is that you should wait until the lochia is over, because of the risk of infection, sex isn’t mentioned that much at the moment anyway.

New mothers don't feel much like having sex, and that's completely natural. You've just given birth, your body hasn't recovered, you've still got your belly and your bits and pieces are black and blue. And besides, you're full of different pregnancy and breastfeeding hormones, especially prolactin, the milk hormone, so you won't feel much like having sex. This is nature's way of making sure women don’t get pregnant again straight after giving birth.

Tired all the time
Your desire will also be affected by fatigue. And who could be more tired than a new mum? Or dad. While you're trying to settle into your roles as parents and giving your baby everything they need, there's not a lot of time left for thinking about each other. This new little person takes up all your time and energy.

A love affair with your newborn
For most parents, this is an intensive time of falling in love with their baby. There's so much tenderness and closeness surrounding this little child, that sex is quite simply pushed to the side. Other things replace that need. The new aspects of being a family and of being close to one another that way are a huge pleasure. Little acts of considerations, such as giving your partner an encouraging hug when your baby can't be consoled, are more important at this time than anything else.

And that’s ok. This is a transitional period and you shouldn't worry too much. Children don't stay small and wake up in the night forever. Sex isn't crucial, but closeness is. So look after one another. Talk. Cuddle. If you hang on to that closeness, eventually your sex drive will return.

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