Is sex still off the cards

Does sex still feel like something that other people do for fun? Are you just not that interested? There's no reason to worry; you're not alone. The important thing is to keep the intimacy alive.

For the first few months after giving birth, a woman’s body is flooded with hormones that affect sexual desire. Add to that fatigue and the adjustment to a new life, and there are few women who think that sex is necessary right now. Nor ever again actually. But after six months these hormone levels drop again and things can return to normal.

Almost. There is still a very small person in the house who sometimes makes a huge impact on sleep and time. But besides that… you may wonder why your sex drive hasn’t got going again. Why is sex still something only other people do?

Do you miss sex?
It’s a fact that the need for sex varies from person to person. Some people miss it, some don't. As long as you feel the same, there's no problem. If you don’t though, that can cause friction.

The thing is that lust is like going for a bike ride - once you've got up to speed, you don't need to work too hard to enjoy the ride. Things go quickly. But if you stop, getting going again is hard work. Sexual desire is exactly the same. Once you're getting it, you want more. If you stop having sex, it's as if the department closes down and the staff clear off home until further notice.

Children are excellent contraceptives
It's easy to create features in life that oppose intimacy. Stress and tiredness are two excellent contraceptives. If you miss sex, think about what you can do to give yourselves more time together. Do less cleaning? Share the housework more? Maybe just switching off the TV now and then will help.

But what do you have to do to climb up on that bike again? Here are some suggestions:

• Get a babysitter occasionally.
• Decide to prioritise sex; forget the cleaning for a while.
• Share the housework and childcare and both of you will have more energy.
• If you don't feel up to sex, make sure you hug lots instead.
• Never stop talking to one another. Not just about sex, but about everything.
• Do your partner's demands seem too great? Take time out, but don't let it go on for too long.

But what if you don't miss sex at all? While your child is still small, taking time out from sex is fine. Sex isn't crucial, but closeness is. So look after one another. Make sure you're always there for one another when you're in the mood. Talk about why you don’t want to have sex. Be close to one another. Never lose sight of the fact that you're not just parents. Your lives don't just involve running the Board of Directors at Family Life Ltd. You're a couple too.

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