Supporting a family affected by illness
Sometimes the unthinkable happens – a child becomes seriously ill. For those facing such a difficult situation, support from friends and relatives is often invaluable – but what is the best way to provide this support? As a friend or relative, it can be difficult to know what to say or do in a situation where a child has become seriously ill, or where a child’s health has been affected for some other reason.
We all face challenges, crises and times of sorrow in life – even families with young children. Children sometimes become seriously ill, which almost always places an enormous strain on the entire family. In this article, we have gathered some tips from families whose children have suffered an illness or experienced some other health-impacting situation. What did the families find helpful in such situations, and what were the best forms of support? How should you think and act as a friend or relative who wants to provide support, comfort and consideration?
- Take responsibility for initiating the contact
Those faced with a difficult life situation often have their hands full managing themselves and their everyday life – as a friend or relative you must therefore take responsibility for reaching out and showing that you are there to support them. Don’t expect or wait for the person in the difficult situation to take the initiative, and don’t take it as a rejection if they don’t respond to your initial attempt at contact – they may simply not have the energy to answer at the time. So try again a little later, and show them that you are there for them when they need you. - Dare to talk about the situation
For most people who are experiencing a difficult situation, it feels good to be able to talk about what has happened and is happening. So dare to ask questions, and be a good listener – your interest and attention will often be much more helpful than “good advice” or well-intentioned attempts at problem solving. Try to put your own feelings to one side, and let your friend or relative take centre stage in discussing what he or she is experiencing. We often need many long conversations with those closest to us before we can come to terms with a difficult situation, so let it take the time required! - Provide help with everyday life
Sometimes the situation can become critical when a child suffers an illness, and a family in crisis must also manage everyday life in addition to everything surrounding their sick child. There are many ways you can help – siblings who want to visit the playground, meals that need to be prepared, cleaning, shopping, and piles of dirty laundry that need attention. Perhaps the best thing you can do for your relative or friend at this difficult time is to get out the vacuum cleaner or cook a delicious lasagne for their hungry children. The occasional offer of babysitting is usually also greatly appreciated when parents have a lot to talk about or simply need some quality recovery time. - Strike a balance between the difficult and the normal
Even though there is often a great need to be able to discuss the situation involving the sick child, it is usually also important to try to make things as normal as possible on occasions. So don’t forget to invite the family to events and activities you usually do together – even when life is tough, the value of occasionally experiencing a typical day out or a pleasant dinner and evening in good company should not be underestimated. You can support your relative or friend a lot by helping them to strike a balance between dealing with the difficult situation and experiencing activities that are completely normal and stress-free. - Read up on the illness or diagnosis
Many parents who face a difficult situation involving their children – be it an illness, a neurodevelopmental disorder or some other health-impacting situation – may find the comments or actions of those around them to be provocative and stressful if they do not properly understand what the family is dealing with. It could therefore be a good idea to read up on the issue so that you possess decent knowledge about the challenge facing the family. It is easier to be supportive if you possess such knowledge, and no doubt also a relief for your friend or relative if they feel that they don’t have to explain everything over and over again. But it is also important to remember that parents are always the experts when it comes to their own children – in other words, a curious question is usually appreciated more than a well-intentioned but somewhat irritating piece of advice based on a study you have read!
Please note that all information above is based on Swedish recommendations.
